Zim & The Pak Of Doom
by Shaman94
Summary: Invader Zim going on a Tenacious D-esque adventure. Based off of IZ and Pick Of Destiny. But to keep it clean all swear words will be replaced with Irken words or phrases so that it won't seem Zim has been toned down or anything.
1. Chapter 1

It was a peaceful night on Earth when all of its peace came to a screeching stop. The Voot, Zims own spaceship, was spiraling out of control with Zim and Gir screaming as loud as possible before they landed in the base. "That was a disaster!" Zim yelled, "The Tallest will Surley be disappointed if they relize my plan failed." "They didn't care last time." Gir interrupts. "SILIENCE!" Zim rebuddles,"It's clear that our failures of the past are due to..." "Our own insecurity that dosen't allow us to learn from our mistakes and become better Invaders." Gir states. Zim just smiles with a sense of smug pride as if he knew better then the little SIR unit's statement "Oh little Gir nice try to comprehend our ordeal, but sadly you are wrong. See Gir we lack the proper invader technology and the Tallest refuse to grant my request for more equipment. If only there was a way to get more technology but where, where is Zim to get this technology he so desperately needs!?" Zim yelled melodramatically as he does. Surprisingly enough Gir, of all people, had an answer for his master, "Why not ask Invader Zed for some weapons?" "INVADER ZED!?" Zim yells confused,"who is this Zed and how do you know of him Gir?" "I met him at the Crazy Taco! Hehehehe." "And you did not tell me of him because...?" "I forgot da hehehe." a moment of awkward silience fell upon the duo...that is until Gir walked towards the tv and turned on the Angry Monkey Show. "Gir! I believe it's time to check your A.I. Brain it seems to be...not working." said Zim, just then a commercial for the Crazy Taco came on and who else was hidden in the background other then a poorly disguised Irken alien. Zim was shocked to see that Gir was telling the truth but also was wondering if this Irken was a friend or foe. "Come Gir! It's time we pay our fellow Irken a visit." Zim says in his demanding voice."YYYYAAAA! I'm going to get a burrito." Gir responds."Minimoose, your in charge of the base while I'm gone. Be sure to defend it at all costs even if it means destroying the base." Minimoose just did a small little squeak as he is known for doing, Zim just took that as a yes and put on his old man disguise while Gir continued to wear his doggy suit. So the Duo went on to start what may be their biggest mission yet, one that will decide the fate not only of the Earth but the universe, but they remained unknowing of this for now.


	2. The Divide

Zim and Gir made their way to the Crazy Taco until finally they arrived. Zim walked casualy in inspecting his surroundings and observes the people he likes to refer to as vile-Earth monkies gorge themselves on the food of fastness. It disgusted him to watch and be witness to how a fellow Irken came to work in such a disgusting place on such a disgusting planet feeding such disgusting creatures. Gir, on the other hand, could've not cared any less of how the creatures around him were behaving as long as he was where the nachos were.

"Gir!" Zim yelled, "Show me where this ZED is."

"Okeydokey." Gir said as he leaped into action. He led Zim beyound the counter and as usual no one seemed to of payed any mind to the complete disrespect for the boundaries between the Employee staff and Coustomers as the two raided the kitchen. Eventually Gir found what he was looking for, but not what Zim was looking for. Gir lead them to the Nacho chees maker thingy.

"You lead us to the NACHO CHEES!" Zim yelled furiously, "Do you even know where this Zed is, Gir? DO YOU!?"

"Yes. Wait...I dunno." Gir responded. Then finally, an employee confronted the two and who else was it other then the one they were looking for, Zed.

"Hey! We already told you you little green dog monster thing. NO SWIMMING IN THE CHEESE!" Zed said before realizing that another Irken was in his midst."You, your Irk..." He was stopped by Zim before he could finish, he was about to blow his cover after all.

"Silience, or do you wish to expose Zim for what he truly is?" Zim whispered to the Irken.

"Right, got it, incognito. Follow me." Zed told Zim. Zim followed dragging Gir by his leash along with. The three entered into a janitor closet. Zed turned on a lantern. "What do you guys want? Come to gloat at how a mighty Irken elite wound up stranded on this planet without any hope of getting off or back to his former glory? Or some other reason?" Zed asked.

"My SIR unit told me of a fellow Irken on this planet and I decided I could use some new weapons." Zim said.

"Ha! Sorry to disappoint Invader but the humans took all of my tech when I crashed on this filthy planet, well that is all except for my SIR unit but I had to take him apart for new legs, see." Zed explained as he revealed his stubby little legs to be nothing taller or shorter then that of Gir's.

"Oooohhhh, I found the light switch." Gir said before turning on the lights even though Zed said not to (kills the atmosphere). Zed turned off the lantern and put it away.

"Well why were you going by this planet in the first place?" Zim asked.

"I was getting to that. I was sent on a mission by the Tallest themselves to dispose of the ultimate weapon...of DOOM!" Zed explained.

"The Tallest choosed you for this mission!?" Zim asked.

"I was taller back then. But the ship it was destroyed by the weapon."

"What was this Weapon of doom?"

"It was the mighty Zas' very own Pak!"

"HUHUHUHUHUH!...wait who is this Zas?"

"He was a brilliant Irken inventor. He made the greatest weapons for the Irken military, but he kept the deadliest and DOOMIEST one for himself. The Pak Of Doom. It used the ultimate power, Neuro Output Intellect Scrambler Energy A.K.A N.O.I.S.E. This device projected sonic vibrations that disrupted the machine around its wilders foe."

"Why did the Tallest want to destroy it?"

"Zas turned on the Tallest and when Irken machines are destroyed our Paks are one of the machines to go."

"Where is this Pak?"

"Some place called Area 51."

"You let the humans get their hands on the Pak! Why did you not retrieve it from their base?"

"Ha! Be my guest. I couldn't get near that base without nearly being captured."

"Then I Zim! Shall succeed where you have failed."

"Then you better know this, on the roof of the Hanger 18 there is a vent shaft that is to the right of another one...don't take that one use the left one and seek the Pak from the safety of the vent."

"I see. Zim thanks you for your wisdom WAIT! Where is Gir?" Zim looks around for Gir only to see he has jumped into the nacho cheese maker thingy. Zim goes to Gir and demands he comes out of the cheese. Gir obeys and stands in front of Zim covered in cheese from head to toe, if he had toes. "Gir I have had enough of you disobedience. you must make a choice, The fate of our mission! Or the dreaded nacho cheese?" Gir looks at Zim with an undecided face for a short moment then looks back at the cheese.

"I... Choose... The CHEESE! Hehehehehehehehehe!" Gir says before leaping back into the cheese. Zims look on his face clearly showed that he was not expecting for Gir to of made the choice he made. Trying to save what little pride he had left Zim tried to play it cool as he left Gir with his cheese.

"Um... You know what, that's alright Gir the mission will probably be better with out you any way. I finally got rid of my weak link to get the most powerful weapon in the universe so... Ya. Just remember what you left the Irken empire for Gir. It was cheese...only cheese." Zim said before closing the door as he left Crazy Taco. His words seemed to of had very little effect on Gir, that is if he had even herd any of them while he was neck deep in his beloved cheese.


	3. Brothers no more

Zim used a cab to get to the edge of the city then continued on wards to the desert. His Voot still to damaged to fly was useless to him and left him no choice but to walk until he reached his destination. "Cursed Gir!" Zim said to himself. "If he were here we could of just used his jets to traverse this desert with ease." After a while walking Zim grew weary. "Huh...so...long...walk...must...rest. Here's looks safe, after all what could be under a rock in the middle of nowhere." Zim thought to himself before taking a seat on a rock. Suddenly he felt a striking pain in his heel. "What the flargnar was that!" Zim said only to see a worm like reptile slither away from the rock. "Rechad earth lizard. YOU DARE BITE ZIM! You...will...pay?" Zim said before he realized that the world around him started to turn into a bright and colorful mash up of everything around him. "Ooooowwwww this world just became oddly more...delightful." Zim thought before going on a montage of strange actions that lead up to him meeting a famous monster known to the humans as Chubracabra. "Wow, no way Chuba. What are you doing here." Zim and Chuba then began to converse with eachother.

"Gra, hey there Zim." Chuba said. "I hear you are looking for the filthy humans earth base, Area 51."

"Ya can you lead me to it?"

"Well of course Zim. After all i do serve you almighty tallest irken Zim." Zim then looked at his legs, torso, and arms to see that he rapidly grew in size and reaching the hight of a basketball player. Overflowing with joy at his new size, Zim and Chuba go on a montage of wacky, slapstick antics when in real life Zim is his regular size and just rolling in the sand and climbing on rocks in the middle of the desert. "Come Zim closer you gotta come this way to reach area 51." Chuba told Zim beckoning to him to step closer. Zim follows only to fall of the ledge of a very, very, VERY tall mountain. As he fell he hit almost every inch of the mountain on the way down ending with a small rock at the foot of the mountain to hit the inside of his thighs causing Zim to fall in pain and go uncouncious. When Zim came to he awoke to see that he was literally on the outer rim of Area 51.

* * *

Meanwhile somewhere in...which ever city the show takes place in, Gir is kicked out of the Crazy Taco again. He licks the cheese off of his doggy suit and goes to wounder the city on his own. He goes on a montage of dance clubs and continues to violate every food stand he comes across until he is finally band from all of the cities restaurants and has been to every club all before 1:30 am. "I'm going to go to the...oh wait I already went there. I know I'll go to the...oh yeah I'm not allowed there anymore. Without master I did everything I ever wanted and then some but now I have nothing to do." Gir thought to himself in a quick realization. He then looks in a puddle in the gutter below his feet and thinks back to all the good times he and Zim have shared, like...or...um okay so it is a short montage but still a montage nonetheless. The flashback sequence comes to an end when a car runs over the puddle splashing the water on Gir. He looks up from the ground to see a billboard that shows to brothers happily paling around. "I like that bird on that sign." Gir said as he saw a bird perched on the sign but then returned to his previous thoughts thinking "I KNOW WHAT'S I GOTS TO DO! But first I'm going to get a diet poop."


	4. The Break in of Area 51

Zim found the plan to be simple, he was going to do the plan. He ran up to the fence and used his spider legs to cut a small opening into the fence, he then hurried to one of the stations hangers. Meanwhile on the security cameras tv monitors he can be seen clearly running to the hangers but the security ignored the camera monitors to busy telling their own stories of them being one man armies and stoping a war from erupting with nothing but their bear hands, nothing could have been any further from the truth.

Zim runs up to a wall and puts his back to it, flat as a pancake. He runs for the next hanger but oh no the camera spots him. Goes back to the corner, defys the plan. He grabs a rock, dives out from behinde the corner chucking the rock and taking out the camera. He tucks and rolls to the next hanger until he found the one with an 18 on it. Zim used his spider legs to climb up the hanger to its roof. There he saw an air vent just like the Irken talked about but also a camera, or a bird he thought was a camera. He hurried to the vent and without thinking dove in head first. A loud thud with some bones snapping can be heard with Zim yelling in pain.

"Ahahahah! Stupid air vent. This is all Gir's fault, if he was here he could've just lowered me down." Zim spoke out loud to himself.

"Hello?" Gir's voice said.

"Oh hey there Gir. Whats that you want to join back with the Empire? Well too bad you cursed little..." Zim spoke to himself in response to the voice he heard believing it to of been in his head. That is until he hears it again.

"Hello, Master, can you hear me?"

"Gir!? What do you want?"

"I've come to help you."

"A littel late for that Gir. I'm already in the 18th Hanger, where are you anyways?"

"Right in front of you." Gir said right as Zim looked up to meet his tiny robot eye to eye as he crawled through the air vents. The two took in the moment as they realized, right then and there, that they both had a brotherly bond that nothing can possibly bre...oh the vent duct they were in broke off from the other vents. The two fell to the floor in the vent, as it hit the ground on of the gaurds heard the thud they made and went to investigate.

* * *

As the guard came into the room he saw nothing out of the usual. A grey alien on the operation table with half of his organs hanging out, he seemed to of been alive still. Meanwhile Zim and Gir blend into the background by stripping themselves of a their 'clever' disguises and laying on the operation tables next to the grey alien. The guard uses his Walky-talky to call his partner. "Hey Bill. I think we finally got some action around here. I see anything not human I'll gun it down like a dog." Zim and Gir heard what the guard had said and only took a momentarily glance at each other.

"Roger that." said Bill.

The Guard had left the room allowing Zim and Gir to make their move down the base, leaving only the Grey, pear shaped headed alien on the table. "Right. Soooo. Guess I'm on my own here. Hail Mary time." The grey alien said with an sarcastically and slightly feminate tone to his voice.(Think of which alien I'm talking about)

Zim and Gir had snuck their way into the 'Alien Weapons Valut' and the first thing Zim sees the Pak but all the way on the other side of the vault. "Look Master, the Pak." Gir said before going to retrieve it.

"WAIT GIR! Lasers." Zim said before showing red lights that spread across the room to his robot/doggy companion. "Only I can get to the other side." Zim then proceeded to shuffle his way through the room and avoiding the lasers. He made it to the next side but was trapped by the lasers with the off button right above his head, TAUNTING HIM!

"Atenna. Use the Atenna." Gir told to Zim. Zim used his left atenna and with all of his concentration, managed to hit the button deactivating the lasers. The two regrouped and proceeded to steal the Pak.

"Excellent Gir. We have just achieved victory over the humans. HAHAHAHA...um Gir?" Zim looked for his robot to see he was back at the off/on button with one thought in his head 'push the button' and Zim knew it was going to happen weather he wanted it to or not.

* * *

The Guards heard blood curdling screams comming from the vault and ran towards it.

Zim runs out of the vault holding both the Pak and Gir. Both are slightly scorched from the lasers and stop running to catch their breathe. It was short lived as the two Guards caught up to them and their only way out was closing. Zim looked at Gir and yelled "GIR, GET US OUT OF HERE!"

"Yes Master." Gir said before activating his jets and flying the two of them out of their with the Pak. The Guards while disappointed were just happy to of finally had something to do around there.

* * *

The duo successfully, well if you can call it that, escaped Area 51 with the Pak. The two congratulated themselves only to inturrerrupted by Dib. "Dib-stink, what are you doing her?" Zim asked supremely confused.

"I thought you were up to something evil Zim so I secretly followed you the entire time. And plus the writer needed someone to fill this part." Dib explained. "Now give me the Pak!"

"What. We're not doing that."

"Then...wait there I'll just take it from you."

"Master we could out run him." Gir said to Zim.

"Let's do that." Zim and Gir preceded to leave Dib in the dust.

"Get back here! That's not Fair!" Dib yelled before FBI surrounded him warning him to give himself up. "What! No! It was the ALIEN!" Dib yells before they apprehend him.


	5. The showdown of Doom

Zim and Gir had spent the rest of the night running back to their home base. They stopped outside of their base to consult with each other. "Excellent Gir, we made it and for once everything ends well for us...FOR US!" Zim said to Gir with a sense of victory in his voice. "Now Gir give me the Pak."

"I thought you had it." Gir responded.

"YOU LIE! We have to have it some where or we won't have it." Zim began to frantically look around for it, inspecting every inch of his and Gir's bodies. He had no luck in finding it and began to violently hit the ground and Gir being Gir imitates his master. Zed then stopped by to see if Zim actually succeeded in his quest (What? Don't question how he knew where Zim lived or anything just go with it).

"Hey guys just decided to see if yo... Why are you guys acting like little tiny smeet?" Zed asked the duo.

"We had the Pak of doom but then we lost on our way back to the base and now we'll never destroy and enslave the filthy human race." Zim said while crying like a tiny little baby.

"Hey guys its alright. You know why that Pak was filled with so much Doom? Because it didn't have the hate to cause the Doom. Doom is in the mind of the destroyer after all." Zed told the duo cheering them up.

"Your right Irken reject."

"Um...Thanks."

"Yes, as long the Zim has his pants the human race is going down."

"Yay we're going destroy the Earth!" Gir said while clapping for his masters speech.

"Oh, and one more thing Zim. I found the Pak."

"Wha- great then gimme it. The Pak, gimme the Pak. The Pak, gimme the Pak."

"No you fail Irken, invader school dropout. I shall never give you this Pak and do you know why? Because I'm twice the invader you will ever be. Now the Earth is mine."

"Wait! What of the Tallest? You can not claim the planet strictly for your self."

"Forget the tallest. They left me here to die, as much as Im concerned there next on my ZKIT-list."

"You shall pay for your betrayal of the Irken empire."

"And how do you suppose to do that? By using your malfunctioning robot or incompetent self made plans?"

"By..um.."

"I got monkeys in my head!" Gir interrupted the two.

"That's what I thought. Now if you excuse me I'm going to change my Paks." Zed then proceeded to change his Pak and threw his old one away. "I feel the power of the Pak coursing through my veins. It's...it's...why does it taste like mash potatoes?" Zed said as he looked around to see Gir eating Mash Potatoes out of his head.

"Oh yeah, now I remember. I had to take out the Pak to make room for the Mash Potatoes, but I already got some potatoes on it by then. Sorry." Gir continued to eat his Potatoes as Zim smiled knowing that victory was at hand.

"I taste the salt of...of..." Zed could not speak for his mind was literally turning into Mash Potatoes before the duos eyes.

"It's the taste of my salty Doom Zed. Enjoy it for its the last taste you'll be tasting. HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Zim said for his victory.

"Boom boom." Zed spoke his last words before exploding in front of the duo. Zim and Gir stood as the body parts of covering them.

"I feel satisfied with how things went today Gir." Zim said to Gir. "And also...good job in destroying Zed, Gir. Your a good evil minion." Zim said to his loyal robot even though it killed him inside.

Gir smiled and said "Ah, somebody needs a hug." and began to approach Zim with his arms wide open and covered in Mash Potatoes. Zim screamed and yelled "NO" and "STOP" at Gir before running back into the house with Gir chasing after him.

And they lived sort of happily ever after. THE END.


End file.
